


Shallow Graves for Shallow Hearts

by WebbedUpKatanas



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Death, Mild Gore, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-04
Updated: 2014-06-04
Packaged: 2018-02-03 08:40:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1738265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WebbedUpKatanas/pseuds/WebbedUpKatanas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Introspective angsty look at Wade’s past, and his longing for a certain skeletal Lady. Title stolen from ”No Place Like Home” by Marianas Trench.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shallow Graves for Shallow Hearts

Wade has seen enough in his life to know that the world is rotting from the inside, that there are people who are like festering wounds, infecting the whole damn planet.

Hell, people like that are who made him what he is. Strapped down to a stretcher, screaming until he wasn’t sure if his throat had given out or he had gone deaf. Drifting in and out of consciousness, dipping into pools of agony before the darkness swept him away again.

He had thought about it with the miniscule part of his mind that wasn’t overwhelmed by pain pain pain. There was a darkness that ate at the world, an evil so concentrated that it was almost pure. And the darkness contained monsters, all the more frightening because they are human.

But what do you do when the monster lurking in the darkness is you? When your soul is drenched in so much blood that it’s like a physical presence, a hunk of viscera that you can’t shake loose.

And it’s horrible, he’s horrible, because a not so secret part of him loves it. Loves the rush of being good at his job. The splatter of bodily fluids and the screams and the carnage of it all. It’s one of the things that makes him feel good amid the crapfest that is his life. And the fact that a good chunk of those people he destroys are right there in the darkness with him delights him in a twisted way. At least he can hack off pieces of the evil in the world.

But that darkness, though it permeates his life, isn’t the darkness he’s most concerned with. There’s a different dark, a deep black longing that is constantly present at the back of his mind. It’s a twisted relationship, a constant crashing together and being torn apart.

To fade into that blissful blackness, the state of nothingness, and to finally feel like he belongs, only to be ripped away by light, and sensation and being.

To wake up in a pool of his own blood and feel like he’s been cheated again, always torn away just when he finally feels right, just when he’s broken free of the evils of the waking world.

Reattaching his limbs and making quips and never staying dead, while it feels like his insides are rotting away. Constantly reaching out to grasp desperately at a cold, skeletal hand, only to have the bones slip out of his grasp.

Please please please. Let me stay. Let me not be. Let me die.

And what if she gets tired of waiting for him?

She is patient. She waits for everyone, no matter how long it takes. But he’s Wade Wilson, and if there’s any person on the face of the earth that She could tire of, it’d be him.

He’s been kicked in the balls by the forces of the world so often that it wouldn’t surprise him if She gave him up. If one day no matter how mangled he is, he wont be able to slip back into the dark, where everything is so right and nothing hurts.

 

Because living hurts. Everything hurts. And it’s all the worse because he knows deep down that he can never ever remain in the safe numbness of her embrace.

So he slices away, sending up a plea with each kill. Begging, pleading, questioning: do I deserve it yet?

And he lets himself fade to black.


End file.
